Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
