I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
