There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
