I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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