trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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