Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize