I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize