remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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