just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
