Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You dont lie about slip and slides
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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