He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
