My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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