Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
