Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
