whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
