U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
