I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
