allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
