theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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