I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
