Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
