After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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