"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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