On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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