Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
