I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
