I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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