I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize