am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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