Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
