My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
3 2 1 whiskey
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
