I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Couch. On fire.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
