he puts the penis in happiness.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
