know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize