Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
