420 ftw
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
