hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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