I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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