Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
