he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just made the most “single life†Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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