I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
