he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
