he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
