The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
