I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
