I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
