last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
