I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
