So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
