i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize