i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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