i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
