he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
