Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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