Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Your penis caused this!
Randomize