I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize