We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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