so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
