I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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