Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
