rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
