I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
