dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
