I'm lost and stupid without you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
