just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
