so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
