You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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