They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
