i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
