Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
