You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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