Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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