Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
