honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
