Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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