if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
