We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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