I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You took a bar mat shot.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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