Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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