nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think my moral compass just broke
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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