I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
