I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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