My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
